Thankyou

Within moments of pressing "publish" on my last post my side table was already lighting up with Text messages. (and that's saying a lot, it was 1am)
All through the next day I was inundated with texts of support, hope, friendship and love, my facebook inbox wasn't safe either, my Iphone was vibrating the crap out of my boobs as it sat in my bra at work.

As people came from the woodworks to hold my hand through this time, i realised a community I had long forgotten existed. It seems the saying is true, its the ones you least expect that step up in times of need.

In the beginning I was sad, afraid to do it all alone. I suddenly felt my singleness a lot, no boy to hold my hand or dry my tears. I felt lonely in the midst of it, but after the last 2 days and the love that has been showered upon me I realise I don't do this alone, I do it with an army of people armed with ice creams, words of encouragement, prayers and laughter.

The world goes on and mine will to.
It must.

A broken heart isn't always metaphorical.

I sat in the doctors surgery as I had done many times before, smilling and chatting as he poked and prodded and asked me how I felt. Everything was normal, just a cardiac checkup I've been having for years until he told me to take a seat.

The look on his face changed as the words streamed from his lips. Everything became slow motion and I tried desperately to follow along..

"Obviously you are not showing any symptoms... yet.. its not good news... new tests... I'll discuss with colleagues... heart has failed... this never normally happens... OPEN HEART SURGERY."

..my eyes welled up with tears, alone I came to this appointment and alone I left, crying, confused, in shock. The next two days were a blur of tears and my attempts to push away everyone I held dear. Sadly in some cases it worked.

Today, a week and a half after the news, I went for my first lot of tests. Needles, drugs, a scary machine and lonely rooms filled with nothing but radiation and my fears. I watch as the all to familiar scene begins, everyone walking on egg shells so as not to disturb the dance we all take part in, the steps that tell us it isn't really that bad.