A poem

I wrote this poem in 2007 about the day I gave my life to the lord when I was 4 years old during communion. It is a story of hope, love, father and daughter. It is a story about a big God who loved me so much he died for me and a father who loved me to much not to tell me about it.

Daddy take my hand,
we can talk to the lord.
I'll climb onto you lap,
tell me the tales he told.
What does the cup mean daddy,
Why am I drinking his blood?
Why do we get crackers daddy,
Does his body taste good?
I think I like this Jesus daddy,
he reminds me of you.
So you say he loves me daddy,
even more than you do?
What does it mean to pray daddy,
must I be on my knees?
I want to meet this Jesus daddy,
can you help me please?
So you say he is my daddy now,
can I still have you too?
Now I have two daddy's,
my father God and you.

I said: why me lord?
You said: why not you?
I said: I am broken.
You said: this is true.
I said: choose another.
You said: why?
I said: she is better.
you said: That's a lie.

And then you said something I didn't expect
you said: my child I love you and you deserve only the best
and so I said, not knowing where to start,
Lord I need you, come into my heart.
and you replied with tears in your eyes,
Child I have been waiting for you since the day I died

it's not just for bumper stickers

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life."

How many times have you heard the cliche "God loves you" weather it be from your friendly local pastor or the crazy guy on the street, we have all heard it time and again, were almost desensitized to it. It loses all meaning. But let me break this down for you.. God loved you so much that he sent his only son to die for you. DIE. Now I am pretty convinced that God is a smart guy, all seeing all knowing and all that jazz, so when he decides to do something as drastic as putting up his own son for death he must have some pretty solid logic behind it.

I have a heart condition, and have had 3 open heart surgeries to date and I can tell you one thing I have learnt from the large amount of time I have spent in hospital throughout my life (besides the fact that the food quality is somewhere up there with dog food) and that is this, it hurts my parents a million times more than it hurts me. I remember once I was getting a needle into my lung to drain some fluid and my dad was holding my hand, he went so white watching me in pain as I yelled about ducks and ships, or something to that affect, he was so upset that the medical staff asked him if he needed to leave the room to compose himself. I didn't cry that day. My dad did. And that was just a needle. I have watched my parents hurt over me so much more than I could ever physically hurt.

At Calvary God had to watch his son go through a million times more pain than I have ever had to endure. Any parent can only imagine the pain you would feel having your some come to you and say "Dad, please take this cup from me, but not my will be done but yours." Just like if I had said to my dad the night before my operation "Dad please don't let it happen" I can't even imagine what that would do to him. Then after watching his son go through all that torture, being despised and nailed onto a cross left to die in one of the cruelest forms of execution history has known, God had to look away. It would be like my dad having to leave that room white faced with tears in his eyes as I cried out "Why have you forsaken me." To watch your son not only go through physical torture but then to leave him completely alone in the moment when he needs you most is more pain than I can imagine.

God, being the all knowing father that he is would not have done this if there wasn't a strong reason behind his madness. In the midst of all this pain, watching his son slowly die and leaving him in it all alone he knew that, you know what, this hurts, this breaks my heart,

but the pain of spending eternity without you would be so much worse.
That is how much God loves you.

A prayer for Kira

Lord take her little broken heart
that cannot find the way
Lord hold it in your mighty hands
and protect her each new day
Lord send her smiles to give her hope
of the life she will one day lead
Lord send her kisses with the rain
to water her destinys seed
Lord send her friends to guide her path
into the masters house
Lord whisper to her heart and soul
to leave some people out
Lord tell he of your love for her
so that she may see
that you have only good things planed
even though she can't yet see
And lord I pray one last thing
before I say amen
clothe her in strength and dignity

and be with her till the end

Thankyou

Within moments of pressing "publish" on my last post my side table was already lighting up with Text messages. (and that's saying a lot, it was 1am)
All through the next day I was inundated with texts of support, hope, friendship and love, my facebook inbox wasn't safe either, my Iphone was vibrating the crap out of my boobs as it sat in my bra at work.

As people came from the woodworks to hold my hand through this time, i realised a community I had long forgotten existed. It seems the saying is true, its the ones you least expect that step up in times of need.

In the beginning I was sad, afraid to do it all alone. I suddenly felt my singleness a lot, no boy to hold my hand or dry my tears. I felt lonely in the midst of it, but after the last 2 days and the love that has been showered upon me I realise I don't do this alone, I do it with an army of people armed with ice creams, words of encouragement, prayers and laughter.

The world goes on and mine will to.
It must.