Wednesday, August 31, 2011

This too shall pass..

On Monday night I sat in my then Boyfriends car thinking, in general, about all kinds of things in the world.
A big question of mine revolved around the issue of trust. You see the world is this big scary place with no guarantees to it, at any moment you could get hit by lightning or struck down with Cancer or wonder to far away and get lost in the bush. Each day we go out into this big scary world with nothing to hold onto but trust. Trust that people will do the right thing by you. Trust that they will do what they say they will or not do what they say they wont. All we have is trust.
What happens when that trust is broken?
When somebody promises you something and doesn't deliver or promises they will never do something and then does it?
What if someone tells you they love you and want to marry you and then they walk away without even a goodbye or a reason.
What happens to trust then?

Suddenly the world seems a whole lot more scary than it did in that car on Monday.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

We all have a story

I take public transport. I work in the CBD of a capital city and I live in one of the lowest economical areas in said city. Needless to say I meet people with stories every day.

A week ago I met a man on the train, he smelt of alcohol and marijuana and I really didn't want him to sit next to me, he did. He asked me how far it was until his stop, I told him and looked the other way (We like to do that don't we) As each stop passed he would ask again and again when his stop was, finally he told me that his mother had died a few days earlier, I felt like such a terrible person.
"I got a new suit for the funeral" he said with his head bowed, "I look rather handsome in it" he added with the hint of a smile.
He got off at his stop and told me to have a good day.

That man has a story.

Across the road from my work a girl sits everyday with a sign asking for people to spare a coin, her head is always facing down as her eyes scan the ground, she is one of the sadest looking people I have ever seen. I always try to give her something, even if people tell me she will only spend it on drugs.

That girl has a story.

Tonight marked the end of the world vision 40 hour famine, a man spoke about some of the atrocities happening all around the world, from famine to human trafficking and the small things we can do to help.

Every one of those people has a story.

But is anyone listening?

It makes me sad that I live in a world surrounded by peers who can talk for hours about TV shows, music and clothes but the moment you bring up poverty, slavery, homelessness, depression, or the thoughts you have about helping, everyone shifts on their chairs and smiles at you with a wisp of pity that you should be so naive as to think you could ever help. My generation walks around, far too aloof and cool to say what matters.

I don't know if I am alone, if I am the only 22 year old that lays awake at night stressing that I'm going to live and die and the world will be no different from my time here. It has occured to me that I live in a society that tells you to
"look out for number one"
"put yourself first"
"make as much money as you can"
"cut down tall poppies"
"protect yourself at all costs"
"Survival of the fittest"
It breaks my heart to watch people compete with each other instead of truely wanting the best for the people around them, is the only way to get ahead to just stop caring about others? I have never gotten my head around this.

Call me naive, but I would be happy on minimum wage (which would still be so much more than most people in the world) if I knew I could wake up everyday and help people.
I'm sorry but I just don't care about having a fancy house or a new car or a 6 figure salary. I try to care, because I know that's what we're supposed to do but the truth is I JUST DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!

There are all these beautifully broken people in the world with these amazing stories that nobody gets to hear because we have labeled them "drunks" or "homeless" or "dirty" or "third world" it makes me wonder if people really don't care or if we are all just too scared to talk about whats really on our hearts because we feel as though our ideals will fall on deaf ears.

The truth is that I am the problem. I am the problem because I spent $190 on a cardigan that doesn't even keep me warm, when that same money, in the right hands, could give a family in Africa the means to make an income to support them for life, or give a single mother in a homeswest house her rent for the week, or buy the soup and bread for a soup kitchen to feed a few hundred people.

There is 6 billion people on the planet and I can only manage to conjure up enough thought for one...

I don't care what anyone says, that's not how it was meant to be.

Monday, August 1, 2011

An apology of sorts

I was brought up in a christian home. A very christian home. A "my dad was a pastor of a church until I was 9" christian home.
I went to a christian school from year one to year twelve, I wasn't allowed to watch the Simpsons let alone Southpark, I was told off for saying shut up and didn't even know a four letter word beginning with F existed.
I was brought up in a very christian home.

During my late teens I rebelled a bit and became hugely embarrassed by how little I knew about the big wide world. I wanted nothing more than to fit in with all these cool people I'd meet at shows who weren't from "very christian homes." I pierced every orifice in my face, I wore skinny jeans and had clip in blue extensions. (I wasn't allowed the real thing at my school... what are you crazy?) I listened to super hardcore bands like The used and simple plan and sometimes I'd drunk. I know right!

It's funny how things change..

Today I still have a few tattoos and I'll probably get more, I dress however I want and listen to whatever I want, even if it isn't cool (Kesha, we're talking about you here). I have come to terms with the fact that I'm not in any way hardcore, I'm innocent, I don't use swear words because they still feel wrong on my tongue, I don't think pornography or graphic violence is ok for anyone to be watching, I have never taken illegal substances and am still shocked every time someone mentions them in casual conversation as though everyone does it, and if you tell me you lost your virginity at 14 my response will be sympathy because frankly I find that heart breaking.

I used to hate my upbringing and loath that my parents brought me up in a bubble, but now I treasure it. I'm glad I was still playing with barbies with my little sister when I was 12, I'm glad I didn't watch an MA movie until I was 15, I'm glad I was sweet 16 and never been kissed, I'm glad I didn't taste alcohol until I was 17, I'm glad I grew up not knowing what sex or violence looked like and I'm glad that my parents cared enough about me that they took the road less traveled to keep me from growing up to fast.

Once upon a time I would have said I'd never raise my kids as strictly as my parents raised me but now I only hope that I have the guts to do exactly that.