change

So much has changed for me in the past two months.

I'm single for the first time in years, I've moved home to the house I grew up in, people I would see every day are now people I may never see again.

Life has changed.

All the while the world hasn't stopped moving, uni still needs attention, work still needs me to show up, friends still throw parties and bills keep coming. My mind is so full with the every day that that I have had no time to process this change. I have been so quick to stick band-aids on it by taking on extra shifts, talking to new boys, and drinking way too much alcohol. It has to stop.

I'm Exhausted. I would very much like for the world to kindly stop spinning and let me get off for just a moment. 

Whilst I know I have made the right decision and I feel the most incredible peace about my future, it's just so weird when your life is going full steam ahead in one direction and then you make one decision and suddenly you are sure of nothing except that your life will be different to what it was.

A chapter ended, a page turned and I don't think I was prepared for the fact that the hardest part of my decision was not getting the courage to leave but continuing to have the courage to keep walking forward even if I am not entirely sure where that is leading me.

I don't have a 5 year plan, I don't have a clear idea of what my next step will be but I am beginning to realise that it's ok to not know. You'll figure it out, you'll find your way.

Before you can cross the ocean you have to lose sight of the shore.


smile often
Beth.


Ps. personal goal for the next 6 months.
- No drinking
- No courting male attention

I'm going to do this the healthy way or die of boredom trying!