Late night regrets

(Originally I posted this on my tumblr but thought this was more the forum for it.)

Today as I walked through the food court in carousel I saw two men, one visibly disabled, sitting at a table counting out coins. Silver coins.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off the table. It broke my heart and at this time I wasn’t even sure why. As I approached I herd the disabled man say “I will go up and see how much it is and then come back and see if we can afford it” in that moment I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I needed to give them money. I needed to walk over to the ATM, withdraw $50 and hand it to them.

I needed to.

But I didn’t.

“I don’t have any cash, the ATM is like at least 20 steps away, what if I’ve read the situation wrong, my dads waiting for me, I cant make him wait, this is ridiculous, they will probably think I’m a right freak…etc etc”

It is now 3.48am and I can not sleep. I can not sleep because of what I walked past. How can I say that I want to save the world, help the lost, feed the hungry if I cant give $50 to 2 people in carousel.

Those men are probably fine, sleeping right now. They probably brought their meals, whatever they could afford, with their fist fulls of silver coins, while the person behind the register looked at them with judgment and subtly strains of pity. But I mean they are used to it right, everyone looks through them with their out of date clothes and visible differences, I’m sure they wouldn’t have blinked an eye, just another day to them.

But you know what would have made them blink? If a 21 year old uni student gave them some money so even if it was only for a second, just this one time, they would be reminded that someone cares, that they matter, that they are no invisible and God remembered them and nudged the simple heart of a passer by to show kindness. I had and opportunity to be the hands and feet that I so often say I’ll be and I walked past it, I put my awkward embarrassment in front of them.

I will tell you what I know for sure. They will not miss out. God loved them and will see to it that they are shown that love one way or another. It is me who missed out, because I didn’t get to be part of that.