Why?

On Saturday I was standing in in my workplace on William street greeting customers as they walked in, probably 60% of them didn't reply, my friend turned to me and said
"Gee my career is so fulfilling" and that made me ask the question; Why?

Why do we do what we do? We spend our lives so very busy all the time always 'doing' but never stopping to ask 'why' we are doing.

Why do we work in jobs that bring us little meaning?
Why do we study degrees that stress us out and ask us to write essay after essay about topics we only sometimes, maybe, care about?
Why don't we all just give up, stay at home and watch movies with our friends?
Why?

It gets so easy to lose perspective when you are in the middle of the rat race. We are taking bite sized pieces as we make our way through to the end. Unless we are continuously redirecting our focus back to the question of 'why' it becomes all to easy to give up.

Tonight I was feeling kind of blah, I had been in bed with a migraine all morning, had to go pick up my stuff from my ex's house and came home to an essay I was only half way through that is very much due tomorrow. I was tired, I was sick, I was sad. I sat down at my computer, looked at the screen and cried. I didn't want to be productive, I didn't want to write about literature, I wanted to take a sleeping tablet and go to bed. I wanted to quit.

Then I asked myself the question.. I asked myself why.
Why is giving up not an option, why is finishing this essay critical, why is waking up and going to work tomorrow required, and here was my answer...

When I was 14 I started writing a diary, I have not stopped since, over 30 journals sit in my bottom draw and there isn't even 2 pages that go by without me saying, in one way or another, that I want to help people.

When I was 17, I graduated high school by the skin of my teeth. I never thought I would ever go to university, I just didn't think I was smart enough, but I was. I got into all the 3 courses I applied for and I am currently studying psychology, which makes me light up every time I read something new that makes a little pocket of humanity make just a little bit more sense to me.

When I was 18 I went to a facility to deal with an eating disorder and I found life through some of the most amazing women, who had sat up at night writing essays when they would rather have been in bed. If it wasn't for their own sacrifice, I don't know where I would be today.

Tonight I went onto some websites of amazing organisations around the world that dedicate their time, money and efforts to helping people. These are the organisations I hope to one day be a part of but there is a piece of paper I need to obtain first, a piece of paper I won't obtain without every little piece of the puzzle. A piece of paper I wont obtain without this essay.

The reason I have to write this essay, the reason I work in a retail job for minimum wage whilst I complete a degree, the reason I can't just quit and check out is because one day when I was 14 I decided I wanted to help people, no matter where that took me or what it meant, the road wasn't straight and there were times I didn't even think I'd get this far but I did and it is not an option, it is my responsibility to see this through.

After answering the why, suddenly I found my hope again. I wrote the last 400 words and I understood that it wasn't about the stupid essay or the customers that don't acknowledge you or the fact that I have one day off a week and only make $650 a fortnight. This life is a privileged, education is precious and these years are the incubation of my dreams. I like to think my 14 year old self would be proud.

What is the answer to your why? You may just find that it clarifies things for you and reminds you not to give up.

Smile often